Tag Archive: altar

the fire within? 09/21

Yesturday andToday has been a relatively bad day, Ive floated between depression stress, not wanting to eat wanting to just curl up in a corner and hide, but realistically its just one of those moments where everything seems to go wrong all at once, it just seemed intensified all at once.  Ive felt randomly anywhere from wanting to strangle people for the slightest perceived annoyance to wanting to just grab the first person I see and cuddle tackle them just for some human contact.  Although lately it seems I havent been able to keep in touch with folks ive wanted to but arent local

 Enough of that crap.

For several days I’ve been feeling the need to review some of my old spirituality notes.  I keep them in a folder, its a random collection of notes I’ve took, printouts of rituals attended or helped out with.  I haven’t done anything in a group setting since really the ordeal track at fusion and I miss it, the shared experiences, a sense of community, even if for a short time, and I miss it.  I went through them reminiscing about some of the amazing experiences I’ve had the last few years.

I mentioned in my last post about the rose candle on the altar by the front door  that I smell every time i leave the house, and that I’ve been getting the impression I’m swimming in rose.  I had gotten images like I was both somewhat literally swimming, in sort of water that was rose colored, and smelled like roses, and then later being surrounded by what I can only describe the essence of rose, the smell, a feeling of beauty, passion,sexiness etc, a feeling of more self confidence.  Its moments like these that keep me going  when it feels like the world hates me.

Last minute addition: I wrote this yesterday, and it was a pretty depressing and the gloomy weather didnt help.  I do feel a touch better today and have been productive today.

And lastly, thank you Sir for thinking about me, and giving me helpful advice even when you have your own shit going on.  It may be hard for me to express sometimes but you mean the world to me,and have been with me through the good and bad times, love ya lots!


I did sit for a few minutes at the altar with my makeup mirror on it, with the head-space I’m in at the moment I couldn’t bring myself to look in the mirror, I think I would just dissolve into tears, and be depressed, so I sat, wrote this, then sat some more.  For me I use electronic/trance music to get myself in a better frame of mind, where odd thinking and theories of what I should do next are much easier to handle cause I’m not over thinking them, where there can be a thousand million things i need to do floating thru my head, but its ok cause I’m not stressing over one particular thing or another.  It helped me clear my mind a bit and helped me center myself a bit more.    I had known I needed to it for awhile and i kept putting it off  not sure exactly why but should have trusted my gut on that one it definitely helped


the fire within? 8/19

I’ve been meaning to write this for a week, but life and etinmoot interrupted.

Two weekends ago we had 2 amazing people as visitors, I learned alot and had a lot of fun.  they both have a lot of insight into spirituality. The events following might be slightly out of order cause my memory sucks, and its disjointed so youve been fair warned, but:  we went to visit the local park because there was a great statute that one of the visitors had an affinity for, so at dusk we found the statue on display behind glass, and in front  of it was a paved circle surrounded by low hedges, one if the visitors spun a hula hoop and one  spun led poi.. I felt i could lose myself in the spinning poi, the park was beautiful, breathing in the fresh air, and i kinda tranced out for a bit.

Also we had found the local new age shop, its was mostly kitchy candles and such but there was mermaid stature, i thought it was neat but was poor till payday and figured i could come back later to get it, but that was not in the cards.  One of the visitors bought it because she saw it and said something to effect of it looks like a cross  between freya and La siren a bit, I thought she was going to take it home  for herself but  that wasnt the case at all. related to that one of the visitors got the ping to do a reading for me.  I had been talking about the cutting i want to do for freya of runes and I took away several things from that reading, that I might want to do something a little less permanent to start with, sit with it  and see what the runes tell me, and build a relationship with them.  I also got the suggestion about revamping how I practice a bit, as in to spend more time meditation in front of the altars I have to see what impressions I get and because my spirituality path is also  tied to exploring my femininity to put my mirror that I use for make up on my altar, to make it a conscious choice to integrate into my spirituality.  Ive started to revamp the altar in my room but havent had the time to finish (more on the reading later ive misplaced my notes)

So the big other thing was I got to play with energy exchange, one of the visitors well the easiest way to describe it is “muck about” with energy. We did some of it sat night but sun was, in my opinion a big awesome experiment.. lately ive been craving human contact,and well whats a little energy in exchange for sparking that energy into motion.   I was siting with my back against her and one of the things she tried was pushing energy down thru my spine, but it actually went thru my entire body, the easiest way to describe it was my skin was a shell and inside there was a core  but right under the skin there was a layer of mist and it felt like the mist was being circulated really fast it it felt amazing.  Later on she was holding my hand and I could feel and see little tentacle like things stretching from both our hands and intertwining.    Ye s, she did take energy from me (all consensual) the last  pull was intense but i felt like the exchange “heated me up” in a good way, ive felt so stuck spirituality wise about where to go next  this exchange benefited me as well, i felt more inspired and a few more ideas of what to do.  It was an amazing intense experience.  More on it later cause I have to catch up on house stuff

I learned alot from both visitors they  come from different spirituality backgrounds then I do for the most part and im trying to pick peoples brains to expand my knowledge.