Havent posted in a very long time, because I really havent had anything inspiring to say.  the last couple of weeks have been very tough for me emotionally, esp this  past weekend.  I was at a kink event, I knew it was going to be challenging emotionally, but it was challenging spiritually as well.  Last week at fsg i went to the fire circle where they have drums and dancing  and I got this feeling that I needed to go  all girled up, so I got dressed and put makeup on etc, I dont dance well but I danced, and I kept feeling I needed to give in and let go and give up something, but the music and or energy wasnt right to get me to the point that I could give in and figure out what  it was.

The feeling was even more so this weekend, and I also feel so energetically disconnected from everyone, and I dont know what to do to fix it .  Ive felt very sexy this weekend and at least tried to wander around and partake in the activites but I feel invisible, or the people im attracted to im not their type . I  know one night of wandering around finding things to do isnt enough to really meet people, but at least im trying .  Ive felt so  spiritually/energetically disconnected and dont know what direction to take , and not sure what to do about it.

Do have to admit even though this weekend was exhausting, esp sat nights ordeal ritual that I helped at  which wasnt supposed to last untill sun at 7am but did, I did have an interesting time, esp the first part of the night where I helped choose what order the participants went in.  But the next day, when i stopped by for a few moments at the processing meeting I pretty much instantly started to cry, it might be the stress was overwhelming me, combined with a little woo, i dont know.  I did go back a bit later and had a chat with a friend or two and it helped.

If I get a chance to meditate this week Im going to concentrate on this whole feeling of I need give in and give up something and see if I can figure out what it is  and maybe this disconnected feeling will lessen up a bit, so I can stop whining about it