Archive for June, 2013

fire within? 6/25

Havent posted in a very long time, because I really havent had anything inspiring to say.  the last couple of weeks have been very tough for me emotionally, esp this  past weekend.  I was at a kink event, I knew it was going to be challenging emotionally, but it was challenging spiritually as well.  Last week at fsg i went to the fire circle where they have drums and dancing  and I got this feeling that I needed to go  all girled up, so I got dressed and put makeup on etc, I dont dance well but I danced, and I kept feeling I needed to give in and let go and give up something, but the music and or energy wasnt right to get me to the point that I could give in and figure out what  it was.

The feeling was even more so this weekend, and I also feel so energetically disconnected from everyone, and I dont know what to do to fix it .  Ive felt very sexy this weekend and at least tried to wander around and partake in the activites but I feel invisible, or the people im attracted to im not their type . I  know one night of wandering around finding things to do isnt enough to really meet people, but at least im trying .  Ive felt so  spiritually/energetically disconnected and dont know what direction to take , and not sure what to do about it.

Do have to admit even though this weekend was exhausting, esp sat nights ordeal ritual that I helped at  which wasnt supposed to last untill sun at 7am but did, I did have an interesting time, esp the first part of the night where I helped choose what order the participants went in.  But the next day, when i stopped by for a few moments at the processing meeting I pretty much instantly started to cry, it might be the stress was overwhelming me, combined with a little woo, i dont know.  I did go back a bit later and had a chat with a friend or two and it helped.

If I get a chance to meditate this week Im going to concentrate on this whole feeling of I need give in and give up something and see if I can figure out what it is  and maybe this disconnected feeling will lessen up a bit, so I can stop whining about it



fire within 6/4

Ive been thinking about something Sir pointed out to be the other day, it was a post on facebook he had seen that reads “It’s a simple truth that service is the humble act that clears karma and gives advancement faster than many arcane rites.”.    I cant find who had posted it, when I do ill credit them with it.         He mentioned that “the mystery woman” ie the diety who might have something to do with me had given him a ping and said I should really read this, and it got me to thinking what the phrase means to me spirituality wise.

 To me it means that i shouldnt fret over trying to  do grand gestures in my never ending spiritual path.  That I dont have to spend wads of money for ritual supplies or craft elaborate rituals to certain deitys I honor.  That I should relish the simple, quiet things I do to honor those I “work” with whether it be tending altars, or doing research or reading books on spirituality subjects.  That i can do other acts of service and still get spiritual satisfaction, like volunteering at a hospice, or cleaning up trash on a beach-neither of which ive actually done yet, but which came to me as ideas while contemplating this subject.  To seek out those who work tirelessly, quietly for those they honor and thank them for the wisdom they have given me .  To realize that I have an amazing life, yes parts of it are bad, like the job , but in comparison to some I have it easy, I have amazing resources on which I can call on , the benefits of friends who have many more years experience in all of this, and best of all a Sir who guides and teaches  me but encourages me to make my own decisions spirituality wise .  

Yes I might wine about my lack of progress but stepping back and seeing the little things, enjoying them and finding small ways to refresh my personal spiritual path is what its all about right?