the other day i saw a billboard on a christian church that i think applies to any faith- “faith doesnt make things easy faith makes things possible”

It definately applies in my case.  Ive been in a slump lately,both spirituality wise and everywhere else.  Ive felt completely invisible socially, except for Sir who always seems to think of me no matter whats happening to him.  Ive felt lost, confused, stressed, disconnected from everything and everyone, wanting so much to feel human touch, feel a part of something, not knowing where to go, feeling like sometimes I just want to find a dark corner and hide for awhile, and frustrated about my lack of success at work.

This isnt going to solve everything, but the truth of the matter is some of it is my own fault. I tend to try to hide emotions, not ask for what I want, and not step back and realize that I am a part of several things, like my relationship with Sir which I think I getting the better end of the deal, because he always thinks of me, like when he says thank you for a simple task Ive done when he doesnt have to. And I might bitch about not having the money to go out and do actual fun things when I could get off my ass and try to get a better job or try and save money by cutting back on other things.  And I know im part of a larger kink community but sometimes I feel like an outsider, I know I can appear aloof and unapproachable, but mostly thats cause im shy  and alot of times dont know how to small talk or flirt (probably why I havent had a date in quite some time)if you can crack the shell im not a bad person to know.

Sorry back to spirituality, Ive felt disconnected and uninspired and well (see above some, or most, of  its my own damn fault).  Ive gotten over the the fact  that I had expected one day to have spirituality just drop into my lap and just know who (if anyone) is guiding me, I may never know, and im relatively ok with that but Ive felt the reasearch/work Ive done lately has left me feeling disconnected and uninspired from spirituality in general, and I dont really know what to do about it yet.  I did get that devotional about Hel and am just starting to read it , and so far its really interesting, but other than that im kinda at a lost.

I know I just need to plug along, and have faith.  I know it wont come to me right away, and Ill have to work at it , but eventually maybe ill get out of this feeling of being disconnected.

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