So it was a crappy day at work, i was in training for behavior analytics, one of those things call centers throw at employees thinking that it will provide better customer service by “discussing the types of calle” and getting to know what personality type  we are.  Ive been through several such trainings and they are all bullshit.  So the trainer is talking about a type called “reactions” that the people is this group are creative playful etc, and then mentions and some of them might flirt or hit on you, you know a guy might hit on a girl, or even a girl might hit on a guy, and then she says, in front of the whole class, I even had a girl hit on me, and then procedes to scrunch her shoulders, say something thing eww, and I dont go for that, and then says thats sick!.  Im stunned, i dont think the whole class heard that part, but really?  A few caveats,  ive had problems with this trainer from my original training, i suspected she was homophobic when i happened to mention  my on/off girlfriend  after that she was always very odd to me, rather short to mee when i asked questions etc.

But for a corporate trainer to be in front of a class and spout her own personal opinion is just wrong, im not out at work, but after talking to Sir Im going to report her to HR I just dont think she should get away with this.

Identity.

Ive stuggled with how people see me, especially lately.  Had you asked me 5 years ago i would have said i was a lesbian who presented as butch, but nowadays I see myself as queer with an evolving presentation that slides from kinda femmy back to butch.  But I feel invisible to the queer comunity.  I know alot of it is that I dont get out to events much, but even when I do I feel like an outsider.  I know sometimes I can come off as being aloof or cold, but really thats just a front,  my track records in relationships recently have been really bad, and sometimes if someone makes contact  and we start talking, sometime im just so scared that Im going to fuck things up again that I stop responding to emails, or make excuses to meet someone.  I know im a hard person to get along with, and that my protective shell is sometimes hard to crack but sometimes I wish I didnt feel so invisible.  I know I am super shy, and come with my own challenges, but really i dont care how you present yourself, as long as your willing to see me for who I am, and Im willing to see you for who you are/want to be, and we support and grow with each other in this  ever evolving  journey.

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