Archive for December, 2012

daily fire 12/30

got a few hrs sleep then headed to hagerstown to start the packing stuff then took a nap and headed back to the hosp

me and a friend of mine had a really good chat on the way to hagerstown about  all sorts of spirituality topics, esp that the day of surgery when i was napping  i had some bad dreams about Hel’s skeletal hand grabbing my arm , and then I remember a doc coming out and saying he didnt make it through the surgery and I clearly remember this happening several times in the course of an 1.5 hr nap, It freaked me out cause at the time i didnt know how the surgery had been going.  not sure what it means need to think about it some more


Daily fire 12/29

Not doing too bad considering my wacky sleep schedule the last few days
Tonights theme is also about thanks, thanks for A his boyfriend that cares for him deeply and has given up sleep so we can coordinate hanging out with Sir. Thanks for da “elf” that has driven back and forth and hung out and done errands and such
Im standing outside havin a smoke as i observe the light traffic going by and i can breathe in the energy of the city. Careful not to take too much but i feel better more focused, more centered, i dont feel the cold i feel more alive.
And thanks to Hel for allowing him to choose.

Daily fire 12/28

Todays post is all about thanks, thanks for everyone who put up with me today, thanks for everyone who showed up to the hotel or did things remotely.
But the biggest thanks go to my Sir and Hel. Sir for having the will to fight for his body, and Hel for listening to our.prayers and promises and petitions to allow him to come back and continue his work, and i meant i said in the letter to you

Daily fire 12/27

Super busy am but got everything done and packed i think
Doing ritual for Sirs surgery soon going to be tough for me having a very sad and jealous moment and going to have to take a short walk and meditate and real quick to be able to get through it without a meltdown going to ask someone to help me ground before bed because i need to be in top form tomorrow

Daily fire 12/26

Work was dead and crappy drive home took 3 times as long cause of weather.
Ive been reflecting on the upcoming medical/spiritual stuff, hand wrote half of the letter gotta finish that tonight and pack for the hotel. Nervous for what might happen. Been trying to meditate but its been really hard to not have an emotional meltdown while trying to meditate.

daily fire 12/25

day was ok somewhat disappointed i didnt get a tree but time conspired against me good dinner with friends

finished typing the letter to Hel, now to print it out and hand write it going to steal some time before I go to bed so I can meditate feeling rather stressed and anxious .

daily fire 12/24


going to try to finish the letter to Hel tonight because the next few days are gonna be busy.  Definately going to try and medidate some more it will help in the trying days to come

snow can be an amazing thing, it makes everything (in my eyes) beautiful, it changes the way i think of things. I see the beauty of nature coating a branch with snow  As Sir suggested as a response to my post last night to stop and listen to see if  “they” have anything more to say, and  sitting on the porch watching the snow its to see the beauty in everything, like the family pulling 2 small kids in sleds having a blast witht he first snow of the season

Daily fire 12/23

Slightly productive morning surfing and emailing about apartments since time is running short. Cant seem to get rid of these tension/migraine headaches, the magic meds work for awhile but i hate living on them since they also have caffiene, and that can fuck with my system esp with the wake up meds

So the observation of the day is rather odd and im not sure what it means but at the time they happened i got this weird vibe that sometimes i get about spirituality things, so here goes.  I almost hit a person and a squirrel today in seperate events. I didnt have to slam the brakes but did have to stop or considerably slow down.  I was at a stop sign turning left, i lit a smoke looked both way and took my foot off the brake and was about to hit the gas when i swear this guy,  who seems to appear out of nowhere walks in front of my truck and i brake again. I mean i had looked because this intersection quite frequently has people walking through it and he wasnt there when i looked. Yes it could have been i didnt look hard enough but i just got this strange feeling that it was important somehow. The second thing,  i had to slow down considerably to not hit a squirrel going accross the road.  Same thing here it seemed the squirrel just appeared, i hadnt seen it on the side of the road or in a tree or anything.  Again it could be just that i didnt see it before it ran across the road, but i got that weird vibe again.  Not sure if someone is trying to tell me something to ill have to medidtate on it.
The letter to Hel is coming along, did some more writing last night, it is very emotional for me to do, but it is very important.

daily fire 12/22

dead tired today and my body is messed up, got 5 hrs sleep went to go pee and spent the next hour trying to convince my body to go back to sleep and lost the fight even thought 30 mins after that i was dead tired.


going to work on the letter to Hel more tonight, im running out of time to get it done, and its REALLY important.  last time when I set a timer it seemed to work well, i wasnt strested over how long I was spending, but was able to get a decent amount done.  Sir did a quick reading for me with runes about the bind rune for Freya, and from what He and I saw, it looks like its best to  put it off for right now, and perhaps do it in the spring.  It was suggested by the reading  that i need to have more of a relationship with the runes in the bind rune before I cut them into my skin, so more research, practice, and meditation on there is in order.  When  Freya first wrote them on me  i thought I had the basic idea of what the runes she used meant, turns out theres sooo much more.  I googled, I watched you tube videos I read passages of books and websites and described in my own words what they meant to me  so I could have a better understanding of what I was getting myself into, but it seems like have more work to do 🙂

Daily fire 12/21

Work was dead quiet which made for a very sleepy rave.

With the surgery looming ive been trying to come up with a little -not sure what else to call it- my spirituality go to bag. A small bag that has useful items for emergencies and also when i need to meditate. So far im going to add headphones that way i can tune things out a bit, a seashell from the altar for la siren, freyas necklace, and i just got the feeling that i should bring some sort of cloth, not sure what type or what its for, will have to figure that out soon.