Writing this early because i know i will be busy later today.
Woke up super early even tho i knew i could sleep in sigh body for some reason said nope your awake.
Today is the ritual for honoring our ancestors and those spirits of death and destruction. I dont do a ton of ancestor stuff but i think maybe i should do more, its important to recognize where you come from ( and where your going too but thats for another time)
I know tonight will be hard for me, facing death or the possibility thereof has always been challenging for me, before a few years ago i would bottle those feelings up, i was always the one that didnt cry at funerals, didnt show emotion. But now im beginning to learn that showing those emotions is ok as long as they dont overwhelm your life. On the last year or so i have been know to cry at the drop of a hat and throw temper tantrums and not being to control myself when appropriate.  Ive gotten better at getting the balance of showing emotion but not letting it control my life, but theres still awhiles to go. Currently the situation is tough with everything Sir and I are going through, i know that there will be tears tonight and if one of the spirits shows up tonight id love to have a brief chat with them about a certain someone I care for, but who knows what will happen.

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