Archive for October, 2012

Daily fire 10/31

Work went by in a blur took me forever it seems to find the answers i needed but it will get better with practice.
Had an awesome talk with Sir while we were out on the porch hanging out givin candy to kids.

Ive said a prayer for my grandpa “buddy” who passed away many years ago.
Sir and I talked about a bunch of stuff, im very excited for the future.   We talked about how important it is to to do your research and make an informed desicion about a possible deity relationship and not just jump on the first thing that says hello.
Really tired off t o bed


daily fire 10/30

we survived frankenstorm with nary a flicker of power or tree branch down, ive enjoyed the surprize day and a half  off from work since they closed early mon and were closed tues

Ive kinda been cavegirl today since its been cold and damp and icky.  I am very lucky since we didnt have any damage from the storm.  After the dinner experiment and dishes were done i decided to try out the fireplace for the first time.  I started the fire  (just a small one in case the flue wasnt great) sat in front of it  and stared into the flames for a bit.  For me the flames can have a trancing effect on me and I used it to allow some of the feelings ive been experiencing over the last few days come thru and start to process it will take awhile there was some serious emotions that came up.  Sir and I had a talk both at the ritual, on the car ride home and at home about what went on, and I think its a work in progress.  I love that I can come to him with anything and if he isnt the right person to handle something he can usually make good suggestions on someone who is.

Daily fire 10/29

Work was short actually they let us out early cause of the weather.
Its crappy rainy and makes me sad and depressed, havent really accomplished anything.  I have tried some deep breathing/ grounding/centering things but its not really helping much its probably drop from the ritual and the weather but who knows

Daily fire 10/28

Well i got more than i bargined for last night.
And its a really good thing that im learning how to better and quicker ground and center because some big stuff was pushed thru me, and it helped that i was able to push it out

Got to talk to the spirit i wanted to and got an answer, but then later when 2 others asked and got answered something my world crashed i broke down into tears and curled up into a ball I felt scared sad afraid and a failure and no im not going into details for now. Ive gotten better and some things have been explained but it will definately be a rough couple of months while i process these feelings and get to work.
Lots of stuff to think about and process and work on

Daily fire 10/27

Writing this early because i know i will be busy later today.
Woke up super early even tho i knew i could sleep in sigh body for some reason said nope your awake.
Today is the ritual for honoring our ancestors and those spirits of death and destruction. I dont do a ton of ancestor stuff but i think maybe i should do more, its important to recognize where you come from ( and where your going too but thats for another time)
I know tonight will be hard for me, facing death or the possibility thereof has always been challenging for me, before a few years ago i would bottle those feelings up, i was always the one that didnt cry at funerals, didnt show emotion. But now im beginning to learn that showing those emotions is ok as long as they dont overwhelm your life. On the last year or so i have been know to cry at the drop of a hat and throw temper tantrums and not being to control myself when appropriate.  Ive gotten better at getting the balance of showing emotion but not letting it control my life, but theres still awhiles to go. Currently the situation is tough with everything Sir and I are going through, i know that there will be tears tonight and if one of the spirits shows up tonight id love to have a brief chat with them about a certain someone I care for, but who knows what will happen.

Daily fire 10/26

Work was tolerable but liked being on the phones.
Hanging out with folks and doing pub crawl then crashing there tonight and ritual tomorrow. The energy exercises has really helped me destress from the day ive taken to doing them in the car ride home from work.
Having good time tonight more tomorrow

daily fire

this is going to be short im so tired that I was sitting doing research and fell asleep for 30 mins

work was really super bad.

The research I had been doing  was on Hel, Norse deity of death ive been thinking about her for the last few days not sure exactly why, maybe its the prep ive been doing for the ritual this weekend maybe its all of the thoughts around dead and dying ive had recently.more tomorrow when im awake

Daily fire 10/23

Work was awful we did nothing but practice exercises which are really boring and repetitive and dont really teach you much.
So tonight i was ironing my ritual whites in prep for this weekend, for me ironing is meditative thing- for some weird reason i loooove ironing- but i can let my mind wander relax and destress, find out if something needs repair- which several of the pieces do. I start my mental and written packing lists go over the special things i feel called to bring.  Its a ritual before the ritual to me, i think about what might happen,  who Im going to see there that i dont see that often, cause i miss my utos folks with Sirs and my schedules we dont always make it to events. Tomorrow its making a shopping list for food im going to bring and thursday shopping and cooking

Daily fire 10/22

Work was tolerable we played musical seats again and at least im not sitting next to the girl that doesnt like me. Backs killing me tho i know i slep bad sat night when i tried the other mattress but thought it would go away the next day when i switched back but it hasnt gotten better I did do some more research on the ghede, the lwa of death. Death and dying is a touchy subject for me since someone I care deeply for is facing some potentially dire medical issues i dont want ti think about it cause it makes me sad in fact im tearing up just writing this. But death is a part of life i cant just blow off the feelings I have, I need to deal with them, even though ive never been great when it comes to that. Also the ghede, when they posess someone like to dance rather well, baudily they might dance seductively and such like that, ive only had one experince with the ghede at a ritual and this one coming up is dedicated to them so it should be interesting. Its also dedicated to ancestors, and those that have passed this year. I dont do alot of ancestoral worship but i do have my buddy’s hat on my regular altar. He was my moms dad, and the only relative i felt i had a real connection with, even tho he passed when i was 13, he was well cool he got that even at that age i was different and he was ok with that he was from another generation but he kinda got my generation and me. So Buddy, wherever you are love you lots.

Daily fire 10/21

Didnt get as much done this weekend as i had hoped ill have to work on cleaning out the closet and my room tomorrow. The grounding and centering exercises ive been working on really helped yesturday and today moving things all around and the frustration that went along with it. Tomorrow i definately need to sit down and do some research, i need to look further into the ghede in prep for this weekends ritual