Archive for September, 2012

Daily fire 9/30

So relatively lazy day, cooked breakfast for Sir and his boyfriend, did the dishes cleaned up my room and read abunch. I finished the first marketplace book it was awesome. But i should have beed cleaning sirting or doing paperwork. Need to get on that stuff
Going to start working on freyjas necklace tomorrow cause i only have 2 weeks left but today just couldnt get into the right headspace to do it i was sad and gloomy just like the weather and i didnt feel it was appropriate to work on the necklace when the intent is a labor of thanks.  Did some quick centering and meditation on whatever it is that that i need and still dont know what it is. But i know that there is something, something i need to find , do, have done to/for me but havent figured it out yet,  and untill then i feel a bit lost/disconnected. But ill keep on trying.


Daily fire 9/29

I couldnt seem to do much of anything today, its like was in a fog. I felt like a failure, i mean i know i wasnt but it just seemed like there was so much i wanted to do but when i finished something i just couldnt get another thing started. Did finally change out the doornob of doom and tonight i did rearrange my room so that the ginormous table didnt feel like it was taking up half the room.
So i did finally get to the bead shop, and although they didnt have a great selection of real amber, i think i got enough to make the necklace. I did have feeling of i spiration about finding some interesting amber pendants which will probaby end up being the center of the necklace but i believe they are fake because they are really round and clear, but i got this little nudge to get them so, if im trying to be more aware of the spirituality around me every day, then i cant ignore things like that. Also got some raw amber nuggets cause well i looked at them and it was kinda like 2 of them said hey take me home, but they are rather large in proportion to they other things i got so i dont know if they will work i n the necklace, but who knows maybe they are meant for something else. Also got a shiny small disc for la siren cause it was blueish and pearly and just kinda reminded me of the ocean
Still feel disconnected but i bet some of that is the stress of work and being sad and mopey for the last few days, still havent figured what it is that i need but i know i need to do something and relatively soon, hopefully ill fivure it out.

Daily fire 9/28

So work was even worse today, i got babysat by a coach or the trainer pretty much all day as in them standing right next to me watching what i was doing, which is one of my biggest pet peeves.
Ive had to do alot of trying to center myself and breathing exercises at work, its so frustrating at how slow we are going and the poor way its presented that centering and breathing is the only way to get thru it. Hopefully going to head tomorrow to the bead shop to get the stuff for freyas necklace.  The flurry of activity it the last few weeks has left me overwhelmed, still going to try to sit down and plan a bit but the last few days ive felt disconnected spirituality wise, dont get me wrong Sir and i have had some great talks on the porch about some spirituality stuff but i havent connected, felt much about spirituality stuff, i know its my fault because i havent done research or done meditation, or sat in front of my altar like i used to, need to do something just not sure what

Daily fire 9/27

So work was annoying but found out that we are a pilot test case for the new system we are learning, also training manager came for a talk probably cause they had us fill out a survey and i was brutally honest and i bet others were too cause i heard alot of typing, we complained about how we jumped back and forth in the material and how we learned the bare minimum of a subject then went back a week later to go more in depth and that seemed odd. Someone complained that the training wasnt long enough because some people wernt comfortable doing the mock calls in front of the class and i wanted to strangle them. Someone else mentioned that a few people were going ahead in the module while the teacher was talking and that wasnt. ” respectful of others learning styles” hey i get that everyone learns different but when you take 3 times as long as me to do something i get bored distracted and look ahead, i mean come on they are already teaching at an extremely slow pace and you cant get it? Maybe its time to move on. Someone complained that the faster people were shoutin out answers to something the trainer had us look up before the slower people could get to it, im sorry but if the trainer asks and i can get to it then im going to speak up im happy to help classmates if they are having problems finding something but im not going to keep quiet just cause it took you longer.  Sigh, need to freshen up my resume im going to stick with it and not quit but it makes for stressful days.
So moving on, i talked about the other day about keeping your word spirituality wise and how ive been slackin about freyas necklace, ive given more thoight to the design and hope that i can find the right beads and fixings at the local bead shop, my plan is to take some new findings and bits, amber and mix them in with some bits of old necklaces i got at a thrift store the i got when i first though of the project saw the necklaces, and got inspired. I really want to put the intent when im putting it together that this is a labor of thanks to her for her inspirations and guidance and reminding me of some things i had forgotten

Daily fire 9/26

Long borin day at work then off to severna park to pick up duck bus and take her to the shop then back to hagerstown
Sir and I were talkin about polytheisim, the belief that there is more than one deity. If you had asked me when i was a kid i would have said heck no there only one god- i was raised methodist. When i was a wiccan i believed in the goddess and god, and then a few years ago i really got introduced to polytheism, till then i hadnt really heard of the concept, and eventually started doing research into different deities.  Today i feel like the answer for me is hard polytheism, i believe that there is ma9ny different pantheons and they all have their own deities and are not aspects of each other. Like some folks believe the venus and aphrodite are aspects of the same diety, folks are definately entitled their own opinion, but combining them just doesnt work for me, at least the ones i have read/heard about.

daily fire 9/25

Got home late and didn’t do much, work was long.

Today at work there was a cricket in the classroom, and many people wanted to squish it , but 2 of us managed to catch it and relocated it outside.  Supposedly crickets are good luck, and bringers of change/transformation, maybe a sign of more interesting things to come

Daily fire 9/24

Boring sleep day at work then busy as all fuck after work ran to the old place to get stuff, grocery store then dinner for tonight and prep for tomorrow since ill be home real late, i know this new life is going to be an adjustment, and i have no regrets about becoming roomattes with Sir, right now it just seems like theres never enough time in the day, i think i just need to sit down and plan a bit so that the longer term projects will get worked on and i wont go crazy thinking i wont get snything done when in fact i have gotten alot done- i mean most of my stuff is in storage thanks to Sirs awesome friends, ive moved the short term things for both me and him to hagerstown and set them up, im surviving the most boring oddly laid out training i had ever done.
So ive been thinking about the whole thing last night about keeping your word spirituality wise- and i got to thinking that ive been slacking off i havent worked on freyas necklace so sometime this week im going to have to go to the bead shop in town and get going cause i only have about 2 ish weeks to get it done,  and i havent touched the project for la sirene and i feel bad but i just havent had time with moving and work and all. So something to work in.

Daily fire 9/23

So it seems like i didnt get much done today but Sir said i was runnin around alot, there never seems enough hours in the day.
So tonights quick thought cause its late is honor- meaning if you say you follow something- be it religion, a code of morals or whatever, actually mean it. In the case of spirituality if you say you follow xy or z dont just give it lip service,  sure you dont have to follow every tenent blindly without question, but back it up, do the research, talk to people about what you believe in and why. Im still finding the right path for me, but i try to make the words i say have meaning, honor, and integrity. When someone introduces me to a concept about spirituality i have learned the hard way not to just jump in blindly and believe everything. For example, i was learning about runes and after a powerfule experience that someone had- and no i wont go into details, that was private- i thought oh i need to get a cutting done of a rune or 2, now i had thought i had good intentions, and knew the reasoning behind it, but i asked Sir to do do it, and he asked me do you really know what your getting into, because they are powerfull and you might want to wait.  I thought about it for quite some time, and realized he was right i was jumping the gun. We has since talked about it a bit,  and i have done more research and what i thought i wanted,  turned out to be tottally wrong.  I had a n experience with Freya that i talked about earlier, where she had written some runes on my chest and after doing some research found out that thous runes are way more indicative of my journey, and i hope to one day have them cut into my skin and ashed, as a reminder of what i was was i am going thru, and what is yet to come.  My point is, wait, do the research and be honorable, mean what you say, and back it up with your actions

Daily fire 9/22

Ran around alot today and got to go to my favorite store- wegmans- its like shopping porn for me, and then 4 other stores, and a late but mostly yummy dinner and ice cream.
Sir and i were talking about the word shaman and why he uses it. To me its versitile, as in it covers many bases, he works with all sorts of deities in his work.  And it is definately work, i have seen the emotional, physical, energetical, and financial toll its takes on him.  He does this voluntarily and i havent seen him back down from anything unless he feels he is not the right person for the job-  for moral/ethical reasons, or there is someone better qualified.  I have only glimpsed at the countless hours he puts into research, talking, or creating what the client needs whether it be a put together at the last moment thing or a year long creation.  He puts his heart and soul into his work, and puts that work before himself.  He didnt start calling himself a shaman, others did, nor does he advertise his services, people find him.  And whatever people might think about what he offers, i am proud, and honored to be his girl and try to assist him in whatever way i can so he can continue his work.

Daily fire 9/21

Crappy day at work found out that instead of the 7 weeks training i was told at hire- which included 2 weeks ojt that its actually 7 weeks of class and then 2 weeks ojt im gonna go nuts!
So the house we live in is very old and it has some other inhabitants other than just me and Sir, the non corporeal type.  I havent really seen much, maybe a little glimmer here or there and maybe some things out of place, but Sir is more aware of these things and has had some experiences.  His philosophy is unless they start being a nuisance or causing harm then let em be cause well its their house too. I bet they were around alot longer then we were.  Which brings up another point that has been a theme in my journey , being more aware of the world around me, im mean yeah energetically ive always said im not as spooky foo aware as most but i have been trying to work on that, and mostly its about listening and watching whats going on.  Ive seen the changes when someone brings in a deity, the air “shifts” around then is the best way i can put it, and i feel an energetical presence the physical body moves different and says different things,  its an amazing thing to watch.
Gotta work on that whole awareness thing