8/9/12

A mostly productive morning finished one sewing project, and made significant progress on another got the ingredients for the cake I talked about yesterday vanilla, with pink frosting and pearl candies, hopefully it will turn out ok .

I spend some time in front of my altar today thinking about La Siren, on her altar I have glass pebbles that are the color of the ocean strewn about and I had gotten some “ocean” scented wood chips, and they happen to be the color of sand. I mixed that in with the pebbles and it looks like water coming over the sand at the beach I played with it, let it run through my fingers, and im reminded of the time I spent at assateague .  Yeah sure it was crappy weather but I felt alive, I felt connected to her-but at the time I didn’t realize it I was so focused on wanting to get the experience I thought I should get, when she was really giving me the experience I should have, that a little storm in your life will change things upbut you still need to go with the flow, I look on that experience with fondness and dread –after I had gone back to the hotel that night I had a total meltdown, was yelling, screaming, crying, cranky until later the next day-weather she was trying to teach me a lesson or it was my bottled up emotions exploding im not .  sure.  I have changed a lot since then learned a lot about myself,  I still have a long way to go, im glad im on this journey .  I will strive to be more open about things, to work on expressing my emotions in a healthy way and not bottle them up like I did for 30 or so years

Thanks for opening my eyes

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