Archive for August, 2012


daily fire 8/31

So with a fresh infusion of boxes and bins thanks to S and J i started the epic day of packing cause ill be moving in 2 weeks but out of 14 days i will probably be home less than 8 of them ack!!!!

As part of the packing i dismantled my altar completely, with only the most important few pieces being packed for hagerstown and everything else to go into storage for now.  I cried, laughed, felt sad, and felt inspired lots has changed since i really started to change my altar from generic stuff to more specific items, things to honor those i feel i have a connection or that inspire me, i thank them all, they have inspired me to do research and projects and have learned alot .  I will need strength, flexibility and perseverance in the weeks to come with moving, starting a new job etc.

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daily fire 8/30

8/30/12

Very early morning and off for an appt then have to play car tag with the duck bus to get her fixed again.

Last night I was writing about athena , and Sir suggested i read over again this http://barkingshaman.com/2011/11/16/athena-doesnt-care-about-your-sex-life/  a blog about how an adult toy store is named athena’s home novelties and how, since athena is seen as a virgin goddess how that might be inappropriate.  Ive been reading over all response and the owner of the business was like well im a pagan and athenas my patron goddess, and i donate to my community, and athena supports me, because its a women run business etc (im summarizing).  I see where she is coming from, and she says well if athena didnt like what I was doing then my business would fail.  I dont agree, i dont think just cause your business is doing  fine then athena is happy with you.  Several people who follow athena mentioned that athena doesnt hate sex, its that sex is not sacred to her.  There are many deities who rule over love, arts and crafts, homelife, war etc.

I think that some alternative religion followers try to justify their shady behavior by saying well if they didnt want me to do they would tell me or send me a sign.  Well are you looking for that sign, are you paying attention?  Cause it might be so small you miss it

Personally  if I was to name a business i would feel presumptuous that it I would assume it was ok to use a deitys name without asking the deity first

daily fire 8/29

Quiet quick morning then into dc for stuff then back to md for hang outs, and then tomorrow crack o dawn appt.

I was thinking about athena and how she is the goddess of war wisdom and crafts, and to me it seemed kinda an odd mix war and crafts, but then Sir and I were talking and he mentioned that the war part doesnt necessarily mean the actual physical battle, it could mean the support staff like the people that do reconnaissance or are medics or treatyy writers etc.  It could also mean yourself as a warrior, like standing up for your friends, supporting them through their battles, standing up for what you believe in, i hadnt really thought about it like that, and I love how Sir is able to think things thru and based on his vast experience offer me suggestions or his own spin on things.  Im perfectly happy to be support staff, to help my friends through things, i learn more about myself in doing so.  And my friends, what little i have cause im bad at making them, are awesome in supporting me.

daily fire 8/28

8/28/12

Back to dc for more tests but at least is not the crack of dawn this time, so slow morning

Sir and I had talked about this  article http://www.elephantjournal.com/2011/06/why-being-broken-in-a-pile-on-your-bedroom-floor-is-a-good-idea-julie-jc-peters/  who talks about a hindu goddess of always being broken, and how its not really a bad thing being broken all the time, because you can turn the situation around and use it as an opportunity to reshape your future, to use your confusion as an opportunity to learn more .

I see where she is coming from but lately I feel like my life is chaos and confusion and theres not much I can do about it.  Sure I dont have it as bad as others, esp someone super close to me.  But Im moving in 2.5 weeks, into a temp house where alot of my stuff is going into storage for now.  Im coordinating 2 peoples stuff to be moved from various locations to the house and storage, im pretty broke, and im starting a new job after 6 months of unemployment .  Im scared im going to forget something, or fuck something up.  There is alot to do between now and the move to the new place, and in my brain I have to do it all my myself , which logically I know is not  true, that there are resources, but sometimes i have trouble asking for help, cause I want to be super slave who can do it all (which doesnt exsist).  Sir is definately helping but hes super stressed too hes going thru alot .

Going to try to embrace the change more, i mean i did want to get out of the place that im in cause the ex is there, and I had planned to move,and the actually act of moving I like cause you can go thru everything and toss what you dont need, and then re organize stuff at th new place -in this move tho having to put a bunch of things in storage then once we find a more permanent place having to move all the stuff at the temp house and storage sound like not fun.

It is a new direction though, it means Sir and i will be roomates, and we could tweak some things in our dynamic or play around with some different things etc, which I think is exciting.

daily fire 8/27

What a day, appt went crappy, going back for more test etc, just what we didnt need.

Going to have to try and work on centering/energy exercises im so stressed and dont know if I can focus long enough.

 

And according to Sir I get a free pass, and get to say that tiglets are very spiritual  and commune with nature

daily fire 8/26

quiet morning then off to Sirs for the night cause theres an early appt on mon

its been cruddy weather all day kinda makes me gloomy

Earlier I worked on the whole centering/energy exercises thing, while its helping I still cant entirely shake the whole gloominess feeling .  I havent been super inspired spirituality wise, I havent done alot of research lately , ive looked more into aphrodite some more reaidng about some of her myths about her and adonis its interesting that she first hid him away as a baby and had to fight persphone for him and then when he became an adult loved him so much, warning him he was in danger when he was hunting  and then when he was killed by ares disguised as a boar turned the blood from his wounds into flowers.  But the whole thing began kinda sneakily, since Aphrodite ticked adonis’ mom etc.  To me its a reminder that the gods arent perfect and sometimes they might do shady things just like humans do

Daily fire 8/25

Went over to the place in hagerstown where ill be living in like 3 weeks eek so much to do moving starting new job soon
Trying to work on the energy exercises and centering its has helped lessen the feeling that i want to run away and hide.  Ive been thinking about the necklace that im making for freya, im still working on getting the pieces but i have more of an idea of what it should look like, now just gotta find the right pieces once i start getting a paycheck again.  Also need to find like some air dry clay or something i can carve her rune into for the pendant

daily fire 8/24

8/24/12

Quiet morning, spent some time cleaning up and packing up stuff and doing errands

I was out on the porch and I felt something in my hair, it’s a tiny ladybug, and I was reminded that someone had mentioned that ladybugs could be a symbol of Sigyn, who is strong, loyal, unwavering.  I need that right now, the next month or so is going to be super stressful for me and him.  Sometimes I just want to crawl into a dark place and curl up and hide, I wanna just curl up with my paci and blanket and not do anything   But, then nothing will happen and ill panic at the last minute trying to get things done  .  I need to be strong like Sigyn, persevere through the tough times and, hopefully it will get better.

daily fire 8/23

8/23/12

Relatively quick and quiet morning ran over to Sirs for a bit, them im off to Germantown and then home. The massive spike is still around, when I get back on real health insurance im going to go back to the nuero and see if something can be done, cause im sure the wake up pills are part of the cause

Several of my friends and acquaintances are doing daily gratitude posts, right now I just have the one- Im grateful for my Sir, even if hes in pain or stressed from everything going on, hes willing to drop everything to help me when im stressed, hurting, going to have a meltdown cause I got lost, etc.  He knows how to calm me with a simple touch, make sure I have headachy meds (yay Excedrin).  Thank you Sir!

Spent some more time in front of my altar to meditate and center and got to thinking about freya im still working on getting the pieces for the necklace im making her, and I need to keep reminding myself that she teaches the lesson of self esteem and to not settle,ive always had issues with self worth, but hey I finally got a job, yeah It took  almost 6 months but it pays more than I was making and I pay less for health insurance so ill have even more money, when I eventually get paid . Sooo baby steps, but im workin on it

daily fire 8/22

8/22/12

Today was quiet morning, didn’t really do much, went to the library, surfing for apartments, looking for a storage facility, packing up what I can.

Im going to work today on the energy exercises and meditation, still have lots of thoughts rollin around, the spike in my head is back and has been all day.

Standing in front of my altar and centering helped a bit but I cant shake the overall icky feeling, maybe im coming down with something off to bed early today