Had the phone interview, I think it went well waiting for a call to set up an in person interview if I passed the phone interview

Ive been thinking about the whole trying to embrace my femininity thing, or rather being pushed to do it by various things.  Part of it is the feeling of if I do this then I have to put my self out there, that I cant hide.  And part of it is practical, I don’t know how to be really girly I fake it with makeup, fashion wise im pretty hopeless, I can sort of tell what looks not so horrible on me but Im not good at coordination of outfits.  And I have the hardest feet on the planet to fit very large wide and my calfs are big, and no arch.  It might be why I have a total of 4 pairs of shoes, 1 which I use on a daily basis that are so comfortable they are falling apart but I cant find another pair.  That and I cant afford what I consider to be expensive stuff, which nowadays is just about everything

So one of the thoughts rolling around in my head was intimate/sexual relationships with deitys, Ive read people vaguely talking about it but it intrigues me.  I cant imagine what it feels like to have intimate relations with something that is non corporeal.  I don’t have a god radio or phone (nor do I really think I want one) , and I don’t sense energy as much as some so it’s a hard concept to grasp.  Ive heard that it has be done through a horsing so that there is a physical body, but I bet that happens way less frequently than the non corporeal version.

Im trying to learn about all aspects of different deity  relationships and things like intimate relations and “date nights” with them  etc are new concepts to me.  Sir and I were talking  and brought up some questions like what if Odin required you to never have another partner, or only have male (or only female) partners and really was I ready for that type of requirements, nope don’t think I am .  I am slightly worried about that type of thing, what happens if a deity type relationship tries to interfere with my relationship with Sir.  My relationship to Sir takes precedence over just about everything-well ya know still gotta make a living and stuff like that.  Sir has been incredibly supportive with my spiritual journey, with advice, knowledge, hard truths, resources etc.  That’s why I try to be  incredibly careful with what I do as devotional work.. I don’t want a deity to misinterpret something  about what Im honoring or offering.  Right now im just learning about the ones I do have a connection with however that manifests.  I honor the ones Ive had interactions with in ritual with a place on my altar and my time I might read about them, which leads to thinking about them and writing notes about my interpretations and feelings about what I find.  I try to offer them something in return for now its small things, like a necklace for Freya, a craft project for La Siren, finding a cup for Erzulie Freda.

Eventually sure Im working to something more permanent with whoever “owns” my head but for now  smaller, temporary/occasional relationships with deity are probably better for me until I learn how this all works.  Is there a possibility that something might jump out at me and either wont give me a choice or give me much time to think about whether I want a relationship with them or not? Sure, esp considering the reading I got but at least learning  all I can I might have somewhat of a clue

I have so much to learn about spirituality, the big world around me, what I want and how to get it it’s a continual process

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