I had a relatively quiet morning  I slept in really late,  and didn’t have any plans, and then  ended up heading to Sirs house later in the day to help unpack .  Ended up spending the night but hey that’s why I bring my cpap and a change of clothes just in case

Sir and I had a really good talk on the front steps over a clove cigarette he did reveal that he thinks who owns my head is female, which really given the experiences Ive had recently isn’t surprising.  He says it’s the who first told him to make me start dressing more feminine –cause well being my Sir he can do that kind of stuff .

We also talked about the one I had a reading about –that the whole trustworthyness  thing could be interpreted as like him being a CEO he gets things done and might know but not necessarily care how it gets done , the people he points at to get them done might be a little sneaky, or “bad”.  We also talked about the consequences of having a relationship with a deity, that some aren’t allowed to have mortal relationships, that some have other major rules and really do I want that…don’t know if im really ready. In the back of my head I think sure it would be nice to know who owns my head, or have a relationship with a deity that showed interest right away but if I think about it  do I want to take a shortcut and fuck things up.

We also talked about folks that have a deity relationship that don’t have a god radio or phone and how their relationships work, and that lately Ive been trying to be more open to things.  Id guess you call them god-pings,  or feelings .  I might have been getting them earlier but not payed attention, its things like being in the store and feeling like ive got to get this thing  but not sure why, sometimes I figure it out later sometimes I don’t.  Like when I had promised Erzulie Freda that I would get her a better cup because she didn’t like drinking out of plastic , the next time I was in a thrift store tucked behind some stuff was the perfect pink glass decorative cup.

I might resist the whole girly girl thing but I have a feeling that if I was to try and completely stop the whole trying to embrace being more feminine that something would happen and I might not like it.  Its not that its all that super bad its just hard putting that side of me out there, but i know in the back of my head its good for me.

We also talked about the benefits of all the research I was doing in that being a shamans girl in training it will help me know what hes talking about and being able to help with his shaman work .  And that a lot of what he knows took him years of study, and that really im still just barely beginning

We talked about a lot of things some of which im still processing

Ive done more work and research since I had the reading than in the past several months and really its interesting, to read stories, to read personal opinions etc, Ive just begun forming my own opinions about a few of them, there is a lot more work ahead but I really can see some change and im excited for the future

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