So I actually wrote sat and sundays daily fire but didnt post them since other than my phone I had no internet or cable, which is weird since other then a few minutes we never lost power

6/30
daily fire-letting go- last night i was in the middle of a scene and I tried so hard to let go and enjoy the ride but so many good things were happening i couldnt open up so to speak. last night was challenging going out all dressed up trying to talk to more people.  Being 41 and essentially starting over socially in the last few years has been a super slow long process (and i have a long way to go)
Spirituality wise I need to remind myself (quite frequently) to stop trying so hard to force things  and just listen listen to the waves on the ocean and sometimes its ok to stare off into space, you never know what will come up.
7/1
productive destruction- theres been alot of it going around lately, ive been thru 2 massive storm systems one at camp where we lost power for a day and a half and the other it took us 2 hours to get home from the club because all the usual road were blocked with trees.  Ive been without internet and cable since sat am and its giving me more time to spend on spirituality stuff (and less excuses and distractions) I tended to my altar refreshed  some tobacco for papa legba, and salt water for La Siren.  And then I put my headphones on turned on the music laid down on the floor and shut my eyes.  Lots of things flowed thru my brain, unemployment, spirituality, relationships etc.  Im not sure how long I was there for but some things came out of it.  I need to refocus on my job hunt-Im not sure how to fix it yet but something has to change, cause eventually ill run out of unemployment I never thought it was going to be this hard to find a job its rather depressing.  Spirituality wise I need to work on the research angle, lately when Ive picked up a book ive been so exhausted I fall asleep hopefully, if I use the meds wisely I can get some reading and research done  and take notes so I remember stuff.  And well , relationships- thats going to take awhile I need to rethink my approach, and take it easy, and let go. I talk about change alot, im not sure how much change im ready for cause there are parts of my life I really like, but parts I really hate and know I need a change.

Ive cleaned, put away stuff, cleared out some clutter took a drive looking at all the trees down, and hope they, like my life will grow something new

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