So with the massive storm at fusion and pack out and unpacking etc i wrote the daily fire but either didnt have wifi or just didnt get around to posting it

6/22/2012
dailly fire- letting go
I am a super impatient person, Sir can tell you.  I jump to conclusions and ask  million questions, rather that wait.  Sir mentioned to day that my reading was all about letting go that I need to give into my fate and that the outcome is not up to me but up to the fates.  Letting go is such a hard thing for me spirituality wise, I so want to know whats going on that I dont want to wait  and see what the future holds for me, I just want answers.Sir suggested that, sometime next year that a head washing might be in order but that I would need to get to a place of letting it go before that would be a good idea cause I might sit there and go ok im here and keep talking rather than listen what the spirits have to say.  I am very intrigued by voodoo, and would like to find a fete if I can to observe but finding a group that does open ones might be difficult.  Sir might have an in on that  that he will work on when the events over.
Thought for today, rituals can be simple,yet powerful and give people what they need.  They can be “ritual theater” and last hours, or a  simple gathering of like minded folks for 5 mins.
Also for some reason I have both the La Siren song and the Odin song  from utos playing over  and over in my head
6/23 looking over the last 2 days after a massive storm knocked out power for a day and downed tress, watching the community coming together making sure folks were ok was nice, and the show went on had crappy nights sleep with no power  meanin no cpap
so daily fire:love lust and fire:  I was assisting Sir at a private ritual last night  and I was sitting in the shadows waiting to be called and  looked over to where another person was standing in the shadows slightly to the left of them there was this figure, now it might have been a trick of the eyes I was tired but it wasnt human.  It was fire- a humanoid like shape essentially aflame-dont know what to make of that. as for the daily fire? lust and love I was at a sensual puja today dedicated to kama and raty gods of love and lust  it was a very nice ritual  very luxurious very inspirational I look at Sirs and his new relationship and think some form of that is what i want.  The love in their eyes for each other the banter back and forth, the, as they call it sickly sweetness.  But I am happy for them both
Afterthought- and  it might take a ritual honoring gods you are not familiar with to be inspiring, I have to do research on them
6/24 communication and transparency
This morning was a big issue, Sir and I talked about alot of things not going into all the details but the big message I got was communication, transparency and asking for what you want. Self worth is a big issue for me trying to remind myself that I am worth it or to ask for what I want.  Sir mentioned that hes not a mind reader, in the back of my head its this voice telling me his needs come first and that mine dont matter.  Well they do, if I dont pay attention to them they get bottled up and explode like today.  A class on 5 star servicehelped me refocus a little, when I get home im going to start that butler book Sir wanted and work on it a bit each day.  I am going to try to me more open about my disappointsments if things  dont  go thru the way it was planned and try to not tye myself to the outcome I am going to try to be more open about when I want to do specific kinds of play
daily fire- devotionals  Ive been thinking about what defines devotional work, and to me its time.  Time spent reading about the deity in question, praying  to them tending to thier altar items, and sometimes I dont know where to start, there are 3 that Id like to know more about and Id like to add something for them to my altar but the question is what  right now I have no idea.  Some times I wish there were classes on specific deitys  like most of the time when there are spirituality classes it seems they are pantheon based rather than a specific deity that had good resources on where to find good information .
Thes two weeks have been been very trying busy and lots of hard work and it has taught me alot : to be more thankfull for the gifts time and energy that is given to me but yet to ask for what I want  to strike that balance to look at the smaller picture, to stop and smell the roses, to enjoy being in the shadows like I always have been that sleep is massively important that transparency is the best policy but definately not the easiest one that alot of things can be spiritual even the small things like butterflys and fireflys, to take joy in small change
6/25/2012
daily fire -work I see lots of it ahead but im actually ok with itI learned alot this past week I see quite big challenges ahead both personal and spiritual got to spend a decent amount of time with  2 of Sir’s shaman friends, todays inner fire is again going to be transparency Sir and I had an interesting/reveling/challenging conversation on the car ride home I feel like im physically exhausted but spiritually recharged and a bit more focused .
6/26/2012
daily fire: home my current location doesnt feel like home to me, its a place where I lay my head untill i can get a new job and a new places.  Home is chosen family, hanging out with people you love, wherever you feel comfortable.
Spirituality  I was at the verizon store today to see if my phone could be fixed and was waiting for them to do some upgrades as was the person next to me  we got totalking and I noticed they had a mermaid tattoo which definately reminded of La Siren,  and then  when I got home all I could smell in my room was some incense I have for her, and it conjured up images in my head of ocean swimming and communing with her.  More later im super tired
6/27/2012
daily fire inspiration and fear of change.  I have a thing to do with a party im going to friday and it scares me and turns me on at the same time.  I went shopping today for something to wear and it took alot of courage and acceptance to see an outfit as sexy on me -and it took 2 hours to find something after being sooo indecisive and then another 3 hours to do half an assignment that should have taken 30 mins without procrastination but at least thats parts done, now to do the really scarey part
spirituality wise: Ive been lax in tending altars  and refreshing items and its almost like I feel it, that something  is tugging at me going hey stupid pay attention, and I sure as hell dont want to piss anything off  .  So I did some things tonight and will spend some more time tomorrow.

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