Lately I’ve been jealous of people in general and their relationships with other people whether platonic or otherwise.  Take for example this past weekend,  I sat there seeing these people interacting like old friends and being annoyed that it wasn’t me.  However that’s really my own damn fault, because im rather shy and the fact that I live in the middle of nowhere, gas is expensive  and don’t get to alot of events, and when I do go to events I mostly hang out in the “corner” because that’s where im comfortable.

Which lead to the other part of the title motivation, or in my case lack there of.  For many years my MO has been get inspired to do something, whether  it be life, work, spirituality start doing stuff and then fizzle out  and not follow through

I keep saying oh I want to get a better job and Ill start putting in applications but not follow through. Or Ill start having some focus and direction about my spiritual path and then get distracted by stupid things like tv .  Never really had anyone to hold me accountable to those kinds of things, until now…Sir doesnt push and tell me I have to do something-well not spirituality wise, and the other stuff I volunteered for , but I value his judgement and guidance.

So Ive been kinda slippin a bit in my work on spirituality stuff and need to get back into the swing of things, unfortunately my library sucks at having anything related to the path im currently leaning towards so Im going to have to hit internet and used book stores, but I did pick up some reflexology books, a meditation cd, a book on queer history, and one on pranic/energetic healing/manipulation (was kinda shocked they had these last 2)

As for the social aspect thats going to take a bunch of work on my part , finding a new place thats closer to civilization is the biggest piece

I really need to keep on track on this stuff if I have any hope of moving forwards, and dedicate sometime each day towards  both focusing  more on spirituality and finding a new place, getting out there socially  and setting myself achievable goals

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