8/28/12

Back to dc for more tests but at least is not the crack of dawn this time, so slow morning

Sir and I had talked about this  article http://www.elephantjournal.com/2011/06/why-being-broken-in-a-pile-on-your-bedroom-floor-is-a-good-idea-julie-jc-peters/  who talks about a hindu goddess of always being broken, and how its not really a bad thing being broken all the time, because you can turn the situation around and use it as an opportunity to reshape your future, to use your confusion as an opportunity to learn more .

I see where she is coming from but lately I feel like my life is chaos and confusion and theres not much I can do about it.  Sure I dont have it as bad as others, esp someone super close to me.  But Im moving in 2.5 weeks, into a temp house where alot of my stuff is going into storage for now.  Im coordinating 2 peoples stuff to be moved from various locations to the house and storage, im pretty broke, and im starting a new job after 6 months of unemployment .  Im scared im going to forget something, or fuck something up.  There is alot to do between now and the move to the new place, and in my brain I have to do it all my myself , which logically I know is not  true, that there are resources, but sometimes i have trouble asking for help, cause I want to be super slave who can do it all (which doesnt exsist).  Sir is definately helping but hes super stressed too hes going thru alot .

Going to try to embrace the change more, i mean i did want to get out of the place that im in cause the ex is there, and I had planned to move,and the actually act of moving I like cause you can go thru everything and toss what you dont need, and then re organize stuff at th new place -in this move tho having to put a bunch of things in storage then once we find a more permanent place having to move all the stuff at the temp house and storage sound like not fun.

It is a new direction though, it means Sir and i will be roomates, and we could tweak some things in our dynamic or play around with some different things etc, which I think is exciting.